No bridge entries this time. Bellpepot's dead, Pipoii's dormant, and StaticRiot's missing. I'm all that's left of me.

And why bother with a new identity, a new design, a new start? Because today marks the day when everything begins again. (Still, Ginebra rules.)

Last night. Trip to the hospital last night. Allergy. I think the nurse likes me. (Nah.) Thankful for all those who texted in their concerns.



The Vines - Outtathaway!
Incubus - Redefine

(Cross-post: StaticRiot.)

Yesterday. Meeting at DISCS on the 3rd National Convention on eLearning. CompSAt is going to be part of the steering commitee, as the event is going to be hosted by Ateneo.

After the meeting, heavy rain started pouring and unfortunately for me, the jeepney driver mercilessly dropped off his passengers a few blocks away from the terminal. By the time I got to the MRT station, I was drenched. Went home to change clothes.

Arrived in G4 a bit past four. (Roll call: Biboy, Anjo, Myke.) Someone forgot to play out his credits at a Virtua Tennis booth at Timezone, so we took turns playing out the game.

Around five in the afternoon, I took a cab to the Smart Tower where I met up with KC and Kaka. We headed for Robinson's Galleria to watch The Passion Of The Christ. (Roll call: Jeff, Cherry, Eumir, Bruce, Cha, KC, Kaka.)

After the movie, KC, Eumir, Bruce, and Cha accepted my invitation and had coffee and pasta (match this) at our Parañaque abode. They stayed until around twelve.

Then I slumped on a chair in front of the TV screen. Wednesday. Biboy's asking if I'm game for another go at Glorietta later.



Stone Temple Pilots - Creep

(Cross-post: StaticRiot.)

Ana's debut at New World Hotel. Five plates: a little bit of everything. Hotel food rocks. Last night's program: very entertaining.

CompSAt Executive Board (EB). Was "appointed" Internal Vice President (the position I wanted). The old EB, however, deliberated and thought that I should be president. After reconsidering the points raised by the old EB, we (the new EB) decided to stick with our previous designations.

Haircut. Now everyday's going to be a bad hair day.



REM - Losing My Religion
U2 - New Year's Day

(Cross-post: Bellpepot.)

Just finished my philosophy oral exam this afternoon. After spending last night with Choco Java Kula and a lot of philosophy notes (thanks to study groupmates), I felt I was ready to take on any question Mariano (my professor) raised.

"Naglalaro ang grado mo sa pagitan ng C+ at B," he said, just before we started with the exam. "Mabuti naman ang grado mo."

I (sort of) controlled our conversation the first seven minutes, but a surprise question caught me off-guard with one minute remaining in our examination. I think I was able to come up with the answer just before time expired.

He'll post our grades Wednesday night.

The review. We had our second study group last night at Seattle's Best Coffee Katipunan. It was fun, though I was not able to contribute much to our discussion proper mainly because all of us already seemed to know what we were supposed to study. There were more than ten of us who attended the review, and from that group I only knew half the people. We finished everything by midnight. Pictures later.



The Cardigans - My Favorite Game

"When the sun, from which the whole world takes its light,
sinks from our hemisphere and the day fades
from every reach of land, and it is night;

the sky, which earlier it alone had lit,
suddenly changes mode and reappears
in many lights that take their light from it.

I thought of just that change across night's sill
when that emblem of the world and of its leaders
had finished speaking through its sacred bill;

for all those living lights now shone on me
more brightly than before, and began singing
a praise too sweet to hold in memory.

O heavenly love in smiling glory wreathed,
how ardently you sounded from those flutes
through which none but the holiest impulse breathed."

- Dante, The Paradiso, Canto XX, lines 1-15.
Translated by John Ciardi.

(Cross-post: Bellpepot.)



[1] (Hey my friend, it seems your eyes are troubled. Care to share your time with me?) Because, in the moment I needed you, you were there; won't you let me break your fall? And again, when your light runs out, won't you let me rekindle it? (See, you and me have a better time than most can dream; have it better than the best, so we can pull on through whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down, and if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around.) Because the both of us are what's around; this forest can wither away, but we'll make the best of what's around.

(Well, she ran up into the light surprised: her arms are open, her mind's eye is seeing things from a better side than most can dream.) But only if you let me lay my hands on your face and see, only if you let me whisper quiet verses into your ear, will we then see and dream these things together.



Dave Matthews Band - Best Of What's Around

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

I have decided: I am running for a position in the executive board of the Computer Society of the Ateneo. Time to open up a can of whoop ass. I have been asked to submit a letter of intent, a resume, and my platform for the upcoming school year.

Five-point program: funds, visibility, member base expansion and empowerment, competition-cooperation, and niche-building. Some people would notice I'm borrowing some ideas from my other organization, but it's not like it isn't fair, right? After all, I have learned something from them and that is what I really joined for.

Fund-raising projects. The tried-and-tested methods of CompSAt fund-raising are not sufficient if the organization is to expand its member base. As such, other means must be implemented to increase the organization's funds, such as organizing externally-sponsored events and profiting from labor.

Also, current efforts in web design endeavors must be expanded by developing members' skills through seminars and immersing them into actual projects that would also serve to improve on the organization's financial assets.

Visibility, member base expansion and empowerment. As non-members generally perceive it, CompSAt is not at par with other known organizations. To put it bluntly, CompSAt is popularly considered one of the lesser known organizations in the university.

To improve on the organization's visibility, we must realize that firstly, our relatively small member base do not allow for much activity in the incoming year - that is, they are our main source of initial assets, and secondly, we are not able to fully utilize our members' capacities and improve on them. We owe it to these members - students join the organization for self-improvement and opportunities, thus we have to hand it to them.

How does an organization steer itself towards welcoming an expanded member base? It must basically do two things: promote by promising and fulfill by acting. Promotions must start as early as the orientation seminars, where the big organizations slug it out for the incoming freshmen's attention. It is worth the price of booth space: a lot of organizations presenting at the event are not that efficient and creative enough for the viewers, so as long as CompSAt makes the best of its ORSEM stint, it can generate a relatively better welcoming image to the viewers than it did in its previous years. Promotions within the home course (BS Computer Science) must be maintained effective and convincing: the bulk of expected incoming members are Computer Science majors.

Niche-building. More important than promotions, however, is the fulfillment of what was promised to the members. The organization is responsible for the extra-curricular growth of the members. Niche-building means sticking to the principles of the organization's vision-mission objectives and developing the members' orientation of the science of computing; if they joined the organization to develop something, it is, more often than not, their skills and know-how in this particular field.

Competition-cooperation. CompSAt is a young organization as compared to other big name groups in the university, and this means that to be able to compete, we have to cooperate with other institutions. Tie-ups with other organizations are great ways to start projects: socially-oriented projects geared towards technology can be offered to SOA groups, and business endeavors with technological goals or foundations can be handled with BOA groups, to name a few examples.

This is but a peek into what I aim to accomplish in this organization. The role to set all these plans into action is not mine alone, but with the organization's help, I believe I can make this happen.

All FPJ clones must perish by the hand of vote abstinence. The real FPJ must perish by the will of the Supreme Court.



Rage Against The Machine - Renegades Of Funk
Disturbed - Shout

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

I have been asked to play at the upcoming JPES awarding event on Saturday. Armed with a guitar and accompanied by Criselle's voice, I really hope I don't mess this thing up.

Am pondering on what songs to play. I have been asked to prepare three songs, and currently, those three are: (1) Jennifer Love Hewitt's Cool With You and Lenny Kravitz's Again, (2) Rivermaya's 214, and (3) Bic Runga's Sway (might be weaved into Fatima Rainey's Hey). I'm still looking for an Evanescence-type song that can be played on the acoustic guitar. Todo na 'to.

I've been trying all day to mock Paolo Santos and Nyoy Volante, only to find out later that I'll be traversing the same path they walked and singing the same song the former covered, even. I mocked Nyoy Volante hard with an unaccompanied rendition of Nasaan, complete with voice-cracking wails of "Nasaan ka na, nasaan ka na, di ba't pangako'y babalik ka?" Never mind. One has to hear to understand what I'm blabbing about here.



Oasis - Stand By Me

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

I'm posting this late. It's actually the 13th of January now and I'm trying to recall the events from the 3rd and 4th of the month. Everything that has happened meant so much for me.

January 3, Saturday, after lunch. Biboy, Mike, Myke, Anjo, Bren, Pao, and Jaja arrived. Played around Matilda and Andoks (my guitars) and my mp3 collection, feasted on tuna and cheese sandwiches. A while later, Pij and Marvin arrived. Played billiards for a while before we all proceeded to the basketball court for a game. Carlo and Niño arrived (Allan came in a short while after). It was supposed to be a race to 100 points; we cut it down to a race to 50 points. After a water break, Vanes arrived. By the way, we never got to finish that game.

Anyway, we stayed at our place until around 9 or 10 in the evening, playing billiards and listening to music, and after a light dinner, we all headed for Joy's place.

Cherry and Faye arrived after we have bought supplies for the party. Red Horse beer (traydor sa ẅΗäρåk), gin, vodka, and pizza were set. Bren kinda spearheaded the drinking sessions, well, by himself actually. He was also the first one down.

I played on Joy's guitar (she named it and calls it Baliwag, but only when I'm around) for a while; some people sang along, some got pissed (I played whacked versions of Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy and the Cheeky Girls' Cheeky Song), while others preferred minding the intricacies of life over my lousy covers. And later that night, Jal and his buds came in.

Close conversations ensued, recollections were made, and a truth-or-dare session was played. In the morning of Sunday, happy drunk people were all over the place. Nah, deins. We were all sober by morning and returned to my house for a final treat.

We had breakfast, I gave Joy her long-overdue gifts, and used what little time we had left to just chill out. They left before noon.

Sigh.



Rivermaya - Elesi

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

(I am no superman, I have no reasons for you. I am no hero; oh that’s for sure.) And I stopped time: there was I, bothering your smile, your lips, and Radiance's song lighting your cheeks; I turned away and shut my eyes to capture the one Photograph I'll need to dream this; and only then was I able to start believing Her over the reality of You. (But I do know one thing: where you are is where I belong. I do know where you go is where I want to be.)

(Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?) Is it a sin, knowing that I cannot ruin Her for Your sake? When Your Photograph starts meaning more than You and I risk You to save Her, how would you take it? The fact that Radiance does not shine on Her while he does on You does not spell any difference: would I rather hold on to Her and let You go, knowing that She - a Photograph of You - is all You can ever be to me?



Dave Matthews Band - Where Are You Going

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

[2] (There's something about the look in your eyes, something I've noticed when the light was just right.) I even tried to miss it. (Your movements echo that I've seen the real thing.) Now I can't dream without dreaming it; nor can I speak without hearing the words between my own lines.

(Won't you come with me? We could start again.) We might change. Things could work out differently. I'd still be forture's fool, but would you still not know more than I do? (My biggest fear will be the rescue of me.)

(There's something about the way you move: I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing.) I can hear you speak; let's spend the night watching the earth come up, for a change, and not the same Luna we learned to admire in the unlit sky. (How do you do it, make me feel like I do? How do you do it, it's better than I ever knew.)

(Could you show me dear something I've not seen? Something infinitely interesting?) You are stellar.



Incubus - Stellar
Incubus - Echo

(Cross-post: Pipoii)

May isa akong kasinungalingang isinulat dito kahapon. Marahil ay isa lamang palusot ang pagsabing kaya ko ginagawa ang ikalawang journal na ito ay dahil ang blog ni Bellpepot ay unti-unti nang nagiging blog para sa iba. Walang katotohanan iyon. At iyon lamang muna ang masasabi ko sa paksang iyan. Hindi lamang diyan natatapos ang mga kasinungalingan. Oo, totoong Eye of the Tiger nga ang isa sa mga pinakamatunog kong LSS ngayon, subalit ang kantang ito ay wala kumpara sa kantang Crazy For You ni Madonna. Mag-iisang taon ko nang LSS ang kantang ito. Sa loob-loob ko, hindi ko matanggap ang dahilan. Marahil panahon na, marahil hindi pa; ang sigurado lang ay, hinding-hindi ako bibitaw. Lalo na ngayon at kailangan ko ng makakapitan. May isa nga akong kaibigang nagsalita tungkol sa (humigit-kumulang ay ito ang aking interpretasyon) isang taong nabubuhay sa pamamagitan ng pagnakaw ng "buhay," o marahil ay ibig niyang sabihin ay mga sandali ng buhay ng iba. Hindi ko alam kung iyon rin tumpak niyang tinutukoy ngunit para sa akin, ang pananaw na ito ay isang panakip-butas lamang ng isang tao sa tunay niyang mga sinasaloob. Alam ko, dahil iyan ang pinagdaraanan ko ngayon. Sa likod ng mga kaibigan, sa likod ng pamilya, sa likod ng isang prestihiyosong paaralan, at sa likod ng mundong nagugunaw na sa aking harapan, pinpilit kong magtago, at sa bawat segundong nagdaraan, alam kong walang kawala sa kadilimang nagbabanta.

Hindi ko sinasadyang magpalit ng kulay ng blog. Hindi ko intensyong pagandahin ang freak show na ito ngunit sa kasamaang palad ay sinumpong ako ng pagka-OC ko at heto nga't ninakaw ko muna ang template ng blog ni Bellpepot. Ang buong layunin lamang ng freak show na ito (si Pipoii at blog "niya") ay ipahiwatig nang, hanggang sa kalubusan ng aking kakayahan, buong-buo at buto't balat ang takbo ng pag-iisip ng isang nasisiraan nang nilalang. Hindi ko alam kung paniniwalaan niyo ako; alam kong duda kayo sa katotohanang ito (at maski ako ay nagdududa ngunit mas gugustuhin kong tanggaping katotohanan na lamang ito; naguguluhan ako ngunit heto na). Paalam muna sa ngayon. At magandang hapon.

Heto na't dala ng kababasa ng Treasure Island ni Ginoong Stevenson ay napapalakbay nanaman ang aking imahinasyon. Islang pinagkalatan ng mga punong animo'y mga basurang nagkalat sa daan - oo, ganoon nga, kagaya ng pagkakatabi-tabi ng mga wrapper ng kendi sa isang madilim na sulok ng mga kalsada ay ganoon rin ang pagkakaayos ng mga puno; marahil ay inayos ng taga-islang si Ben Gunn, tatlong taon sa islang walang kasama. At sa isang banda ay nararamdaman ko na rin ang nararamdaman niya: nag-iisa sa islang hindi ginagalaw ng mundong balang araw ay mapupuno ng tubig at lulunod sa kanya. Paglalayag. Tama.

Ito rin nga ba ang intensyon ko kung bakit ko hinahati ang sarili ko sa dalawang journal? Hinahati ko nga ba? Hindi ba't sa parehong journal naman ay buong buo ang pagiging ako ko? Malabo, kahit para sa akin. at punto rin ba ni pipoii ang pagtakas? Para sa akin ay oo, dahil maraming mga bagay na nagkukulong sa akin na nais kong matakasan, at kahit na sa pamamagitan ng tulong ng isa ko pang blog ay hindi ko rin naman malubos ang pangingibabaw sa mga rehas. Mahabang usapan, ngunit tulad ng nakikita niyo ngayon ay malabo pa para sa akin kaya't paikot-ikot lang ang pagsalaysay ko.

Sa oras na ito'y unti-unti nang nauubos ang mga tao sa computer lab. Nasa eskuwelahan ako ngayon, walang computer sa bahay, walang internet, at nabubuhay lamang sa pang-araw-araw na supply ng orange juice at turon at tuna at iba pa - walang kinalaman sa nauna ko nang pagsasalaysay sa post na ito, ngunit kung iisipin mo, nagkakaroon ako ng panibagong mga rehas. Ang orange juice at tuna at iba pa ay hindi mga bagay na ginagawa ko kundi mga bagay na inihahatid lamang sa akin. Mahilig akong magluto. Kapag hindi ako nakakapagluto ay nababawasan ang interes ko sa pagkain. Iyon lang iyon. Kaya aalis na ako. Paalam na muna talaga at magandang hapon.



Urbandub - Soul Searching

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

Let me break it down for you.

Two years ago, I took up the sharpest knife in my kitchen and dreamed the dream that was me reading a different script, playing a different role, and acting in a different story. It was not perfect - no, I didn't dream that character better than what I am today, but it was different. The dream ended in red, red tears that was my blood flowing from my wrists.

Ten hours ago, I picked up that very same knife, tapped it on my wrists, smiled, laughed, broke down, and drowned. All the things I'll miss, I'll miss dreaming of that old character I failed to be - two years ago.

Here I am today: in red and bleeding.

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

May lakad kanina ang tropa. I was late, as usual (by four hours). Pag dating ko, nagbobowling na sila. I didn't join - I didn't know how to play, anyway. It was a new sight, how everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I know I didn't, though. Don't get me wrong, I really was happy for everyone; it's been a while since we all had this much fun in the company of the group. Nataon na lang na may matindi akong iniisip (which is unbloggable, by the way).

After the game, some people left; the ones who remained spent a few hours eating (and smoking), playing truth-or-dare, and drinking bottomless beverages. We then continued our truth-or-dare at a nearby Starbucks, over coffee (nothing beats over-priced coffee and free milk with your best buds), over a mad thought that was eating me alive.

We were drinking (lots of) coffee, but the way we bonded was more like the way we would have bonded over beer and gin. The truth-or-dare session was unforgettable - we did a lot of crazy things in the coffee shop: dancing around, running with plane wings across the commercial street, interviewing the shop's staff ("Miss, sa tinagal-tagal niyo pong nagtrabaho dito, naranasan niyo na po bang umibig?"), pumping canopies, and a whole lot more. Basta, kakaiba't daig pa ang mga lasing. We talked some more after that, primarily about the group and the future. A lot of things (and surprises) came up.

Then we went home. On my way home, alone, I was thinking how everything that happened that night went so right it may have been too perfect. Especially how I plan to shatter things a few hours from now.



Matchbox Twenty - Mad Season

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

People started pouring into our house at around 11.30 noon, and about that time I've just got myself out of bed... I was supposed, like everyone else in the "feast," to wear a white shirt and jeans. Last Christmas, we had to wear red and/or green shirts. So, again, I had to conform for the sake of everyone in the family. Who came up with this crazy dress code tradition anyway?

By experience, Christmas gifts in this family are generally useless and are likely to end up in some dark corner of my room. However, this year, all my gifts seem usable - take for example, the two CD cases and two small bags I received from four different people are actually things I need for my ever-expanding CD collection and school stuff. I also received a pen, a jug (I think that's what it is), and a plain black shirt. Not bad.

There were a lot of activities going on at once in our house: as expected and as mentioned in an earlier post, my aunts were either playing cards or singing (someone brought in a videoke mic), my uncles and male cousins were playing billiards, Jek (my favorite cousin) and my brother were playing Ragnarok, my younger cousins enjoying their new toys, and me working on a video documentation of the event (wait a sec, I can't remember where I placed that camera... pakshet). Come mid-afternoon, I was able to convince some of my cousins to play badminton in the street. However, someone suggested that we all go to the village "park," and while my cousins were eager to play badminton there, I got into the mood of playing basketball instead. So I suited up and followed them there, played basketball, and came home exhausted - I never got to do much after that.

So there. I guess I enjoyed it a bit.



Korn - Adidas

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

Nakakaantok ang Caramel Frap ng Starbucks.

Our favorite coffeeshop (Starbucks Greenbelt I) was filled with twelve noisy people that were us last night. It was comic how the lady at the counter looked me straight in the eye, half-smiled, and half-frowned as I entered the coffeeshop, probably remembering the events from the last time we visited them. Gulong-gulo talaga yung setup nung kapehan kagabi: pinagsama-sama namin yung tatlong table at nasa isang side lang kami coffeeshop, nakapaligid yung mga upuan at parang may meeting.

There were no real truth-and-dare sessions this time. Ayus lang. Anyway, Jesse was the storyteller (with everyone filling in details), leading a retrospect on high school life. It was fun - a lot of people I haven't seen in a while were there.

Off-topic: I got to beat Allan and Vanes in arcade basketball earlier that night. Hah!

Off-topic: They all got to play bowling that afternoon while I was pondering on why (the hell) I wore slippers.



Chicken Sisig - Goodbye, Mai

(Cross-post: Staticriot)

(Flashback posted 03 April 2004.)

Killjoy. KC, Martin, Colynn, Cha, Bit, and Jommel went home after brunch.

Off to Baguio. Left for the rancho for a quick bite and to lighten our loads. Three hours to Baguio.

Baguio. Park, jamming, sleep. We were walking around the park when Topher decided to buy from a street food stand. I took my place at one of the plant boxes lined up at the center of the plaza, got hold of Cha's guitar, and decided to play for everyone in the park right then and there. "No begging raw," someone tried to remind me.

"This is not begging," I answered. "This is entertainment."

Upon hearing me say that aloud, one of the passing strangers stopped and looked at me anxiously, seemingly waiting for me to strum the instrument.



Kamikazee - Sana Kahit Minsan
Rivermaya - Awit Ng Kabataan

(Cross-post: Staticriot)

(Flashback posted 03 April 2004.)

Gathering. Met up with the Faureaks at the Faura Hall, 8am. Left school a little less than two hours after. (Roll call: KC, Jopoy, Carlo, Colynn, Gerald, Bruce, Miggy, Martin, Paolo, Jeff.) A long ride followed to "Rancho Rigor" (Topher's place) in Tarlac. My heavy lunch was primarily composed of quail eggs.

Aktibidades. Swimming (tag, race, and agawang-base), dunkfest at KC's place, bonfire at the mini-farm, and gin-lambanog-brandy-coke-festival right after our first dinner. Jommel, Cha, and Bit arrived in time for the dinner and bonfire.



Jewel - Break Me

(Cross-post: Staticriot)

(Flashback posted 03 April 2004.)

Baguio. Went to the market for souvenirs and pasalubong. Bought: choco flakes, peanut brittle, bags, and two boxes of strawberries. Unique buys: Jeff's flowers and keychains, Topher's fruits.

Lead me home. Gathered at the rancho for a heavy meal before we set off for Manila. I took the bus with Paolo, Carlo, and Jopoy. The rest rode in Bruce's car. We arrived in Ateneo around 12 midnight.

Bruce's car got a flat tire, and his spare tire wasn't any better, and the nearest gas station wasn't any help, so they had to call his dad to help them pump up the tire. I hitched with Bruce up to Annapolis where I commuted the rest of the way home. I was home by two in the morning.



Craig David - Hidden Agenda
Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

Moonwalk. Went to Carlo's party (yesterday) at their bed and breakfast in Moonwalk, Parañaque. Attendance: Carlo, Kathryn, Perlz, Ronnie, Eu, Sheila, Nesly, Za, Jacob, Carlo's blockamtes, relatives, and friends. Nothing much to say about the party, except for a few notes about a K-Hon, a CD, and drinks.

K-Hon (Cajon). It was one of Kathryn's sweet gifts for Carlo: that wooden box that's becoming a staple in acoustic gigs around the country. I half-expected to be able to jam with Carlo (or anyone who could play the K-Hon, for that matter), but it seemed like nobody present could play the instrument.

The fucked-up CD. I burned a disc specially for yesterday's events; unfortunately for me, the stupid disc won't play right.

Drinks. Count, count. Red horse: three cans. Bailey's: one glass. San Mig Light: one can.

Joy's. After Carlo's party, I headed for Joy's and met up with my high school friends. Attendance: Biboy, Lau, PJ, Mike, Mayk, Allan, Joy (and Jal), Jaja, Niño, Vanes, Anjo, and Beng. Tamang inom lang (Miller, Red Horse, and shandy). Tapos natulog na kami. It was an overnight affair and I came home just this morning, at around ten o'clock.

My mom thought I went out to study somewhere. (Actually, I said I was going to study yesterday, but I also said I was going to a party afterwards.) Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be out partying - not with all the exams next week.



Rivermaya - Ulan

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

Dala ng aking kakuriputan, isang kahon ng 99-peso Donut de Fruta promo lang ng Dunkin Donuts ang naibigay ko sa aking mga kaibigan sa school bus kanina. At anong magagawa ko? Wala naman akong Swiss account na puwedeng kalkalin para makakuha ng panlibre, hindi ba?

Meron kang Swiss account, gago! Meron kang puwedeng pagkunan ng perang pambili ng mga luho ng mga kaibigan mo!

Bakit ko naman susustentuhan ang luho ng mga kaibigan ko? Dahil ba't nababaliw na ako at hindi ko na iniisip ang sarili ko sa bawat pagpatak ng oras at sa halip ay pinagtutuunan ko na lamang ng pansin ang ibang tao?

Hindi iyon ang punto ko; kung nag-iisip kang talaga ay maiintindihan mong ang tinutukoy kong "kaibigan" mo ay kaibigan mo. Yung pinagbubuhusan mo ng pag-ibig!

Pag-ibig? Malay ko ba kung pork sisig lang ang lahat ng ito - hindi naman ako naniniwalang basta ganoon lamang kasimple ang usapin ng pag-ibig ko, kung mayroon man, sa kanya.

Inutil ka't gunggong sa pagtanggi mo ng pag-ibig mo sa kanya.

Hindi ko itinatanggi ngunit di ko pa rin kayang panindigan ang bagay na iyan - sa ngayon nga ay iniisip ko kung masyado na lamang akong nadadala ng aking pagmamadaling ipagtapat ang lahat sapagkat inisip kong kalokohan lamang naman talaga ang paglihim kung alam mo namang totoo ang iyong nararamdaman.

Tama.

Kung nadadala man ako't napapatigil sa tamang pag-iisip, marahil ay panahon na muna para maghinay-hinay at muling umatras upang sa panahong tama na ang lahat para sa aking mga napanaginipan ay hindi na ulit ito maudlot at masilaw pa ng ibang mga bagay.



Outkast - Bombs Over Baghdad

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



Cramming. Electronics take-home exam and laboratory report.

On the "first man" and co-existence. We must say that the "first man" was not man on an authentically human level because his existence was not co-existence; however, this "first man" can be called man because he actually contains the possibility of reaching this level of authenticity.

My midnight snack was composed of four turon bars and Kellogg's Corn Flakes on Nescafe Mocha Java. (Full-bodied coffee perked up by chocolate-funky flava.)

[2] The perfect memory. (I'll remember you: all the things that we used to do, all the things that we used to say. I'll remember you that way.) It's not the perfect memory; I know there's a missing puzzle piece, and I am pretty sure I'll find you holding it in your hand. You putting it altogether is perfection, but until then, I will content myself in dreaming it into reality.

Can't wait for Fuseboxx on Friday.

I used to pull people off ledges and cliff edges; now it's my turn to stand on the verge of self-destruction. Who is going to pull me in?



Michelle Branch



Remy Zero - Perfect Memory

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



Road trip. Road trip yesterday with Colynn. Wala akong ginawa kundi asarin lang siya nang asarin. Paggising ko, hinatid na pala nila ako sa bahay nina Jek (pinsan ko). Waw, asteeg. Doon ako natulog kagabi.

Cram. Studying for tomorrow's calculus long exam; meanwhile, our group in our database systems class needs to finish our project. We also have our defense for that database system tomorrow. Stress.

I need a camcorder.

Monster lunch. Late lunch this afternoon at around four o'clock. Sinamahan ako ni KC. McDonald's. Cheeseburger. Spaghetti. One piece chicken. French fries. Large coke. Regular coke. Ube sundae.

KC, on the other hand, had a chocolate sundae. Fair?



Jamiroquai - You Give Me Something

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



Brother Bear last night with Vanes. Yes, it's bland and uninventive. The hand-drawn animation, as well as the storytelling, is dull; pero benta pa rin yung moose at yung pogiang oso sa dulo ng pelikula. And it took my thoughts away from yesterday's theology report. Waheheh.

I'm here because my professor is late. I wasn't any better - I cut my first class.

[2] (I'm home alone tonight. Full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflight. I think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly possible with you, so I call you on the tin can phone. We rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're alone. I think I've found a way for you and I to finally fly free. When we get there, we're gonna go far away. Making sure to laugh; while we experience anti-gravity.)

Ano nga ba ang buhay? Ang buhay ay isang panaginip. At ang panaginip? Panaginip lamang ang mga panaginip.

Coldplay won best song at the Grammys. "We'd like to dedicate this to Johnny Cash and John Kerry, who hopefully will be your president one day," said lead singer Chris Martin, accepting the award for the song Clocks.

Then there's Atlanta winning over Dallas and Cleveland edging Boston. Asteeg.



Amy Lee
Beyonce Knowles



Incubus - Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



Sleep deprivation. Instead of sleeping last night, I took a power nap in the bus on the way to school. It wasn't so bad - I guess I'm not immune to the effects of coffee, after all. I plan, though, to do my body a favor and get some rest as soon as I get home.

Electronics? Late into my electronics class, I had to go out. Lack of sleep has taken its toll on me, and I had to lie down the Faura bench; a few minutes and a couple of noisy people later, I moved to the Kostka benches where I finally found some peace and quiet. After the bell rang, I met Migs and Mae down the hall, returned to my classroom to get my stuff, and reported to my next class with my head still heavy from stress.

Calculus. I just realized I really do have the problem of possibly failing the subject.

You do not need a girlfriend. So you tell her you like her, then you decide not to take a single step into courting her? Idiot. Decide, you moron; decide on who's going to be the one (to turn you down)! Oh, now you get it - you don't think you're ready for a commitment, do you? You don't think you need a girlfriend, you don't think you love her as much as you thought you did, am I right?

Judd, you don't need a girlfriend - you need a wife.

[1] Let's get married and run away. I'll take you to Perth and we'll have our honeymoon hopping around Rottnest Island, the Margaret River Valley, and Avon Valley where we'll camp near the Wave Rock. Oh, and if you want to visit the local perya, I'll gladly take you to Whiteman Park. But before anything else, we'll have to get married first. (Let's go all the way, motion in the ocean tonight. Let's go all the way, wake up the stars shine. All the way.)

[2] 8675309.



Urbandub - Sailing

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



All for the sake of free food. Finished today's rehearsals. There'd be a band playing at the event, too, so we're hoping we perform first (hoping the audience forgets about us and enjoys the next performer). Am also thinking of a name for our group, even if we're only good for a one-time, big-time event.

CompSAt elections today. It's weird having people walking up to you, saying, "Oist, binoto kita." I don't really want to think about it right now. I already have too much to think about for tomorrow.

Pilosopiya Ng Tao II. Got a B/B+ on my long essay in Mariano's class. Still haven't recited for his class - he picks his victims at random, and I was too lucky for the Fates to call my name for his graded recitations. Received the thesis statements for the upcoming final comprehensive oral exam. The last statement read, "Ang pilosopiya ng tao ay..." How am I supposed to answer that?

Shades. Binigyan ako ni erpat ng bagong shades kagabi. Not the one you wear like ordinary glasses, though - it's that type you clip and flip on your cap (what do they call these things?). Anyway, that's my fourth one within the week and the only multi-colored one in the set.

Teeth. I lost a tooth today. I need to visit my dentist on Sunday morning.

Incubus. I'm not affected by the virus. (I hear you on the radio: you permeate my screen, it's unkind but if I met you in a scissor fight, I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone.) Incubus? (Hey megalomaniac, you're no Jesus. Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis. Special, as you know yourself, maniac. Step down.)

Watched Swordfish and drooled over Halle.

[1] God save me from fighting temptations.

[2] It's been one week since I started it. And how many days have I been laughing since? How many more days will I be spending alone, doing nothing for you at all? Already I feel guilty, for what was yours, in sin you haven't even seen.



Halle Berry



Bic Runga - Sway

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)

Just had to be at the last day of the UP Fair (that was yesterday). I came in early, but was not early enough to catch Silent Sanctuary and two other performers. I did, however, get to see the gems of rock and Pinoy music that are Asin, The Jerks, Sugarfree, Twisted Halo, Jeepney Joyride, Cynthia Alexander, Narda, Tropical Depression, and Matilda. There were other bands that I was not able to pay attention to. Masyadong maraming puwedeng gawin bukod sa panonood ng mga banda.

Most of the night, I was with Anjo; other friends who were present at the fair was Kaka (with her friends), Am, and Japo. Attractions included a lot of food stalls, as well as music booths (selling EPs and artists' merchandise) and fair staples, that is, rides and game booths.

Merchandise. I was not able to buy a Sandwich shirt. The only sizes they've got in stock are too big for me. I also wasn't able to buy a single Narda EP, having been warned of quality problems with the releases. They've got a new album to be launched on June, anyway; I'll just get that instead.

Peace, Love, Rock & Roll. I particularly enjoyed Jeepney Joyride's set, which included a cover of Parokya Ni Edgar's Yes Yes Show and Beyonce Knowles' Crazy In Love. Panalo. Narda's turn wasn't as energetic as their other performances. Mukhang basag si Katwo. Tropical Depression was a great break from senselessness-bordering noise but only got my attention until the end of the first song. The Mongols disappointed me. Malufet pa rin ang Sugarfree.

Throughout the event, the hosts and bands were calling for "peace" and non-violence, following an incident the day before where somebody was stabbed and hell broke loose. Or so I heard.

Cheating jeepneys. I cheated another jeep on the way to Philcoa from UP. I should start paying these drivers their hard-earned money. Pero siguro hindi ko naman talagang kinailangang magbayad kanina. Nakasabit lang ako at nasa bandang kanan pa ng jeep, sa likod. Muntik nga akong mahulog eh. Karma?



Katwo Librando



Joe Satriani - Chords Of Life

(Cross-post: Bellpepot)



Jogger workout. Monday, Wednesday, and today, I've been jogging from the entrance of Marcelo Green Village, Parañaque, to the South Superhighway's Bicutan exit, in fear that I might be late for my philosophy class. I hate this workout; I'm not sure about this count, but I cross at least five cities (that is, Parañaque, Makati, Pasig, Mandaluyong, and Quezon) on my way to school everyday.

Smoking over-sized cigars. Nagsasawa ba ako sa mga usok na nalalanghap ko sa daan araw-araw? Malamang hindi. Parang puke na ng pokpok ang baga ko, kung saan-saan na galing ang mga usok na nakapasok dito; tuwing umaga at hapon (o gabi) na lang ang usok ng trapik sa Bicutan, Magallanes, Ayala, Buendia, Boni, Guadalupe, Shaw Boulevard, Ortigas, Santolan, Cubao, Anonas, at Katipunan. Putang ina, sino pang may karapatang magbawal sa aking magyosi? Di niyo lang alam na hanggang ngayon ay may naaamoy akong usok; nasa loob ako ng air-conditioned laboratory pero wala nang malinis na hangin para sa akin.

Okay, so I may be exaggerating a bit, since I've been taking my "train route" consistently for a week now, but it still doesn't change the fact that having to go this distance everyday is so tiring.

Tired. Napagod ako kahapon - bagsak agad ang katawan ko pagkauwi ko. Hindi ko na nga natagpo yung kaibigan kong niyaya ko mag-Glorietta. Hindi ko minsan maintindihan kung ano ang pipiliin ko: dibersyon o pahinga? Siguro nga, mas dapat piliin ang dibersyon kung hindi naman ito nakakapagod. Iyon nga lang, kahapon ay masyado na akong pagod upang masulit ang lakad.

Ang naudlot na lakad. Hindi na rin ako matutuloy sa UP Fair dahil tinatamad na ako at hindi na rin puwede si Vanes. Wala rin naman doon ang kahit ano sa mga bandang inaasahan kong maabutan (Urbandub, Narda, o Bamboo). Maghahanap pa ako ng lakad mamaya. Kailangan ko ito ngayon para maiba naman; kalahati ng kalahati ng buwan na akong nababaon sa problema.

Freak show. Kinausap ako ng teacher ko kanina sa calculus. Ganito yung naging usapan namin:

Bautista: Judd.
Judd: Bakit po?
Bautista: Anong balak mo sa buhay mo?
Judd: (Pakshet, ano ito?) Huh?
Bautista: Anong balak mo sa buhay mo? Balak mo pa bang mag-aral?
Judd: (Alam kong suicidal ako, pero ano bang mga tanong ito?) Yes, ma'am. Nag-aaral naman po ako eh.
Bautista: Eh bakit apat na long test mo na ang 'F'?
Judd: (Nakaapat na ba akong bagsak?) Huh?
Bautista: Hindi ba 'F' ang standing mo dito?
Judd: Hindi po. (Pero bagsak yung huli kong exam, di ba?) Pasado naman po yung standing ko nung huling advisory niyo.
Bautista: Ah hindi ba? Baka nagkamali lang ako dun sa pagtingin sa record ko. Basta sa susunod na long test mo galingan mo.
Judd: (Gugulatin kita sa resulta para hindi mo ako napagkakamalang bagsak.) Yes, ma'am.
Bautista: Promise mo yan.
Judd: (Oo nga.) Promise po!

It was a mistake on her part, but I needed that pressure. Calculus, bring it on.

KC wanted to fly. Went to Kythe's kite-flying event with KC, Jommel, and Vince. For fifty pesos, I was given a kite and had access to as much squid ball, ice cream, and gulaman as I wanted. Needless to say, I pigged out at the event and had twenty-three squid balls, two ice cream cones, and three glasses of gulaman. And I got to fly a Pikachu kite. Macho.

Sid Meier. Still playing Civilization II. Maybe I should dump it and go for the next installment, or at least advance with Alpha Centauri. Unfortunately for me, that second alternative does not seem to want to work with my computer. Anyway, I've just switched my government type from Democracy to Fundamentalism. Apparently, the computer wasn't satisfied with the way I've been handling my military.

[*] (Oh we're sinking like stones, all that we've fought for. Homes, places we've grown, all of us are done for. But we live in a beautiful world. We live in a beautiful world, oh we do.)

Wala nang saya. Pagod na ako. Tapusin na natin ito.



Mandy Moore



Coldplay - Don't Panic

Tonight. Beer-athon at Joy's won't push through. I hate it when this happens. (I'm so happy 'cause today I've found my friends, they're in my head. I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you, we broke our mirrors. Sunday morning is everyday for all I care, and I'm not scared. Light my candles in a daze 'cause I've found God.)

Yesterday. Lunch with Ate Jess at Hotshots. Seattle's Best Coffee at Greenbelt. NBA Live 2004 with Biboy later in the afternoon. (Notes: Kenny Thomas, random name generator.) Dinner at Shakey's with UTG. (Roll call: Biboy, Cherry, Lau, Pij, Myke, Mike.) Cheesecake, Etc. Greenbelt 1 (later, Greenbelt 3) with Biboy, Lau, Mike, Jesse, and Carlo.

I'm going to go out again in a while. Just to write and shoot pictures. Of colorful things. Bah.



"Alam mo b ung pkramdam ng bbigay n ung haligi ng bhay mo,tpos mraramdaman mng ngkka2waan s kpitbhay mo?Ngkkron k ng dhlian pra piliting mbuo ulit ung haligi mo."



(On location at Greenbelt 3.)

All these beautiful people look the same under the shade of a single hue.

"Sorry."
He went on to block her way.
"Sorry. Oh."
It was him. She didn't recognize him.
"You suck!"

A woman in an orange sleeveless shirt, on the bench, waiting: no two items on her were of the same color, yet that colorful display was elusive under the shade of a single hue.



Radiohead - Karma Police
Nirvana - Lithium
Alan Jackson - She's Got The Rhythm (And I Got The Blues)

I didn't have to go to that year-end party, Solstice. First of all, it was not my induction night and I had a lot of other things to do. It was not even something I really would like to spend my hundred and fifty bucks on. Lounge party? I'd rather read a book at home; or better yet, bake something for my family.

You really can't take it against me, can you? As a matter of fact, I never did love that organization. All I'm after is another line in my resume, and I can't see anything wrong with that. Oh, and for those members who get the idea of me not having the drive to work for that organization, you're dead wrong. In my three years in this institution, I believe I have proven myself an active and useful member. I did everything I can for the improvement of the organization, and my record speaks for itself.

> Hell no, it doesn't. For every position you have been in, for everything you have done, for every role you have tried to act out, there had been other people who could have done better. I myself regret certain roles I relished in the past; these failures I have accepted, from these battles I have learned. When will you? Oh, I see. This has something to do with the other half of the pie, right? I mean, that other half of the pie did nothing better than anyone in position last year. If you are following its footsteps, I suggest you be careful. This batch of fruits won't take your weaknesses so lightly. If I were you, I wouldn't have wanted a part in this salad. But then again, that one line for your record wants to make its mark.



Led Zeppelin - The Lemon Song

Galle. Watched Twisted with KC, Colynn, Carlo, Jericho, Topher, Bruce, Chema, Jeff, and Cherry at Robinson's Galleria. Slept through it. Semi-scavenger dinner at Pizza Hut afterwards.



Starting point, 2.05pm, village gate. It was scorching hot; nothing seems to be different here today - inanimate objects hardly tell anything new by themselves.

I may curse the weight of my backpack now, but I'm guessing I'll thank it later for storing an extra white shirt. I've only walked a couple of blocks and already I'm feeling the coffee-hot surface of my bag.

2.15pm, at the jeepney. The ride was short - too short for me to closely observe the obviously poverty-stricken family who were on the jeep. There were ten of them - three adults and seven children, all wearing tattered, dirty clothing.

Two women were holding infants, dirtied by smoke and sweat, in their arms.

The third adult, a man, was wearing a dirty white cap. By this, I mean streaks of dust on the side facing me and grease on the visor. Poor man. He had a large can with him by his feet, the kind of which taho vendors use to store their products. The boy beside him kept on looking outside the jeepney.

And on the way to the bus terminal, there was a collection of people holding up signs saying, "We buy rejected sims."



The Offspring - Hit That
Rage Against The Machine - Guerilla Radio

JDesign Portal is up. Four more sites to go. Sibuyas Basement by tonight, I hope.

Now off I go to Glorietta.

(Walang silbi sa bahay kundi bumabad sa telepono o kaya'y kasama ng barkada, nakatambay sa may kanto.)



Eraserheads - Sembreak
Cambio - Patlang

Yahoo! Messenger status messages.

(1) AngelsFallLikeRain,AndLoveIsAllOfHeavenAway.
(2) DKoAlamKngSanKBNnggaling,DKoAlamKngIkwAyDrating.
(3) SheFloatsLykASwan,GraceOnTheWater,LipsLikeSugar.
(4) WeneverImAloneWidU,UMakeMeFeelLikeIAmWholeAgain.
(5) SabiNgMgaKaibiganKo,"WgMongPilitinAngDParaSaYo."
(6) WgKngNgmiti@WgKngMgpkabait.BkaAkoyMulingMpaibig.
(7) BakitNgaBaIkawAngNasaAkingAlaala?
(8) AtKngSkaliMngAkoyIbginMoIbbgayKongLhatNgIyngGs2.



True Faith - Kung Ok Lang Sa Yo
Maroon5 - Harder To Breathe
Narda - Suwerte

Guidance. Met with my guidance counselor today. Discussed a lot of issues, and ended up with her suggesting that I pay my neurologist a visit. Vertigo.

CompSAt EB Meeting. Discussed the org's constitution, possible structural revisions, and rule changes. Talked about upcoming projects and suggestions. We're looking for a tagline that'll be used for the upcoming year. We've also opened our doors to committee head applicants.

I may have been a bit pushy about Drive2. I already knew where we went wrong with the first Drive concert and had a lot of ideas for the second one. Bah. Urbandub, Fuseboxx, and Sugarfree are on top of my list for this concert. (Crosses fingers.) And where are we going to hold the event? I'm dreaming of Greenbelt 3, in front of the coffeeshops, with the backstage lit by lumens of water and spotlights, and of course, the crowd rocking to the sights and sounds of the finest of Pinoy rock and fashion.

Makati habit. (Roll call: Biboy, Anjo, Carlo, Lau, Niño, Mike.) Dinner at Chicken Bacolod G4. Hang out: Cheesecake, Etc. Greenbelt 1 and the Greenbelt 3 walkway. Planned for our summer trip to Pangasinan. And drank tons of water.

Earn. Just earned myself a thousand bucks today. Whoo, my flesh for sale! (Just kidding.)

And there's more work coming in. I've just been asked to work on the new MEcO logo. For some reason, that organization's executive committee still wants the logo redesigned. Okay, you guys know I'm the man. Tap me.

Bah.



Weezer - Island In The Sun
Watashi Wa - Andy
Echo & The Bunnymen - Lips Like Sugar

[PRAVDA.ru | Alena Furman] Sex stimulates intellect: German scientists claim that regular sex makes people smarter: Leading specialists from the Medical research Center in Hamburg managed to draw such strange correlation between one"s physical and intellectual capabilities. According to the author of such fascinating research study Mr. Werner Habermel, regular sexual intercourses stimulate development of one's intellect.

> Hmm. "Come on, I really need to get a good grade in this test. If you're a true friend, and I know you are, you'd agree to have sex with me before we go studying with the rest of the group."

[Spread | Andre 3000] I don't want to move too fast, but (I) can't resist your sexy ass, just spread, spread for me! (I can't, I can't wait to get you home!) Don't want to come on too strong, but I'll play in you all day long, just spread, spread for me! (I can't, I can't wait to get you home!) Fuck the rhythm, fuck the rhythm under your bosom. You're the prism, Shirley Chislom was the first, let's rehearse making a baby; put in your order, I want a baby daughter, dance on the tip of my tongue, shake the clouds 'til there's no more wetness in them, tell your homegirls that you will send them a postcard from 3000 - hard!

> Pure carnal lust. Oh, behave. "Be smart, don't be a retard - spread for me! German scientists recommend it."



Outkast - Spread
Nelly - Pimp Juice
Q-Tip - Vivrant Thing

I was walking around Glorietta a few hours ago and was already about to head home when a guy approached me. "Would it be possible for me to talk to you for a while?"

Since I had nothing to do, I agreed. After a few words of introduction, he asked me if I already had dinner, to which I answered something to the effect of, "No, not yet."

He suggested a couple of places, but I insisted on McDonald's, primarily for two reasons: (1) it's always crowded, and he probably won't be able to try anything on me, and (2) it's not a good place to eat on your first date. This is a date I thought would increase my street smarts, and definitely not one to remember for anything else.

"Ang ganda pala ng mga mata mo (Oh, your eyes look beautiful)," he said. Pardon the translation, but it's supposed to be hilarious.

He kept on trying to hold on to my arm, and fortunately for me, it seemed that he only wanted to get "the message" across and not try anything on me. Since I thought it was harmless, I let it slide, but whenever he got anywhere near my hand, I shook him off.

So I guess it was safe - my adventure, that is. All he got from me, as far as I'm concerned, is one of my gazillion e-mail addresses.

Summary: I got picked up by a Mr. Miss. Bah.



Blakdyak - Modelong Charing

Last night, we celebrated Miggy's birthday at their new palace. (Roll call: Miggy, Jeff, Paul, Cha, Am, Japo, Earl, Miggy's friends.) I was frustrated about a lot of things, and felt I was with the right company, so I decided to go for it - gin and beer, that is.

Side-note: Miggy has a pretty cousin, Trina. Panalo.

Anyway, I drank two bottles of San Mig Strong Ice and twelve shots of gin, not to mention countless glasses of orange juice. (WowPonkanjuice!) I drank two shots against everyone's one shot.

Not even alcohol could keep me from being the blabbermouth that I am. In the aftermath, Miggy and Earl told me I said a lot of things last night. I don't remember what I said, but I had nothing to hide, anyway. Not from them, at least. What scares me is the hunch that I texted people when I was drunk. Earl confirmed it - I did text people last night.

Apparently, I rolled on the streets. I think I fell down hard on the ground, as I had unexplained cuts and bruises all over my body, as well as a large hole on my jeans. Under it was a huge bruise, on my knee. I picked my nose at one point, found dry blood, and remembered having a nose bleed during dinner.

I woke up just two hours ago, on the sofa and without my cap on. They all left, save for Earl and Miggy. I went home shortly after.

With Trina. In her car.



Maroon5 - This Love
Narda - Santong Paspasan

Just came home from the Marlboro Team Adventure launch party at Rockwell. Crazy, crazy night: I had to register myself as a "smoker" to get myself in that jam-packed event. (Roll call: Carlo, Mike, Joy, Biboy.) The Marlboro girls were *great* eyecandies.

A lot were going on all over the place: wall climbing, sandbox puzzles, obstacle course racing, biking arcade games, non-stop music, food, and free drinks. I just had to scale the wall twice, both times being very conscious about the spotlight and seeing myself in the big screen. I felt bad before my second climb, when I was not allowed to scale the more challenging walls.

Finally, Sandwich and Razorback played after the long hip-hop sound cruise. Razorback didn't have a complete line-up, so they had to grab Manuel Legarda of Wolfgang to do session guitars for them. Rock, rock! Their version of Center Of The Sun pumped up the crowd.

Awesome. And the moon? It was smiling all the way.



Wolfgang - Center Of The Sun
Sandwich - Replete
Razorback - Payaso

It must have been weird for her, hearing me count out loud the minutes I have stood there, waiting for an empty tricycle to pass by. With an irritated look on her face, she walked along and left me there at my spot by the street sign.

(At nariyan pa ang barkada, nakaporma't nakabarong sa awiting daig pa ang minus one o sing-along.)

The group passed us and gave us a long greeting. When finally they left, she already had with her a couple of random trinkets.

Why they gave her these items, I can't be sure; I once heard from Dean, "You said goodbye, I said good night." I never realized (until now) that those words weren't for Diana - rather, it was for the pack rat in me.

And now here he is, back in one piece, ready to take on the old challenge once again.

Just then, a red Civic pulled up in front of me. A lady just about my age at first glance, in pretty colors, motions at me.

(Masa ang bida!)

"You wouldn't want to catch cold, would you?" One, two blinks later, the sky closed in on me and poured in a pukeful of rain. I rushed into her car. Amelia Rockwell was not as angelic as I thought she was. "Naughty boy," she laughed. "Now you got my car (twisting her tongue as she said this) all *wet* - strap on your seatbelt! Hey it's Christmas! I want you to shower me with all your blessings!"

She was a Scorpio, and it was her unlucky day.

(Imagine, if you could fly like Vince.)

It was a movie car crash with all the gory details. Chunks of flesh, waves of steel, engine noises, explosion. I was safe, having been able to jump off before the rollercoaster went off-track. Like a falcon I strode the whips of air, and like a defeated lion I fell flat on the hard ground, unconscious.

It must have been weird for her, hearing me count out loud the minutes I have stood there, waiting for an empty tricycle to pass by. We were having the greatest fight of our lives, and I just broke it when I stopped making sense.

(And in this moment, it feels so right.)



Eric Clapton - Layla

The diversity of the group was precisely the reason why I could not stay. Dean was not the worst person in the group, however bad his character is described here. "Who is it, then?" the reader, a child of four years, walking on his feet and trying to think like an adult, asks. "Tell me."

I am.

(I woke with you; beside me, your cold hand lay in mine.)

Monique wrote me a letter two nights ago. I didn't even bother reading it. I heard this once, and now I feel I can say it for myself: I didn't pay attention, because sometimes, I just don't like paying attention. And that's just that.

Quieter moments with Monique, I spent in slumber.

She had thin lips, perfectly pink-red and sweet. Once I cried the night away, knowing I'll never see, nor touch, nor kiss, nor taste those lips which now belong to the clouds and the Sunderer of Delights.

And there, with a lighted cigarette on her right hand and a comb on the other, she had her way of both trying to look good and working to relieve herself of stress, all the while keeping watch over their coconuts. As for him, he was busy arranging the sticks of Juicy Fruit and Double Mint gums on his wooden case. A wide, toothless smile is drawn on his face, outshining the tragedy of his tattered clothing.

(Battered bodies, shattered dreams - lining the streets, no end to the means. Crippled corpses, vandalized souls: degraded, penetrated, beaten down, bought and sold.)



Wolfgang - Bought And Sold
Dave Matthews Band - Grace Is Gone

Crumpled memories: recovered and forever remembered. The city lights settled in, tracing the landmarks like fireants feasting on human flesh; the night's green sky was the mirror I tried marking my face on.

(Through the wind you crawl and laugh at burning dunes where no one else will ever see.)

I tapped her shoulder, and she didn't tap back. I whispered an apology; she shrugged and I wondered what my apology was for. I stabbed her, and saying nothing, she died. She kept her silence, and I - I learned how to keep mine. I bashed my head into the mirror that was the green sky and laid myself beside her. Together, we began dreaming everything back into unreality.

(Nobody is an island, everyone had to go. Pillars turn to butter, butterflying low.)

At the end of the stream, Monique was searching for her diamond ring. She dived in and never resurfaced. I didn't even try looking for her downstream. Instead, I bashed my head into the mirror that was the green sky and gently kissed the water's face. And I began dreaming her back into the void she left when she drowned.

In my mind's eye: Nique is an angel this moment, blight and pestilence the next. Do you think I skip too often? Well then, tell me, how do I skip when I'm fixated on you?

I was fixated on her. Was.

(I'm watching you watch over me.)

And there he sat for hours, thinking - pen and paper in hand and the enthralling sights and sounds of the cityscape telling him its stories. The city lights settled in, tracing the landmarks like fireants feasting on human flesh; the night's green sky was the mirror I tried marking my face on. Somewhere, Monique's breaking her own reflection.

(Why won't you ever be glad? It melts into wonder. I came in praying for you; why wont you run in the rain and play, let the tears splash all over you?)



Dave Matthews Band - #41
Travis - Driftwood
Silverchair - The Greatest View

Dinner at Shakey's with UTG. (Roll call: Biboy, Mike, Pio, Doyb, Carlo, King, Cherry.) Had four huge slices of pizza. Met up with Anjo at Greenbelt 3 and went on to Starbucks Greebelt I for our post-dinner discussions which covered the usual personal updates, the Pangasinan trip, Mike's bondage fantasies, Biboy's sentimental playlist, and a Green Tea Frappuccino which got upsized to Venti for free.

Frap talk. I'd really like to try out a Chocolate Brownie Frappuccino (chocolate brownie pieces in a Mocha Frappuccino with whipped cream), but I don't think it's available here. Bah, I can order a Mocha Frap and just add on the brownie pieces, anyway.

On Friday: Kjwan, The Happy Meals, and Silent Sanctuary. Am looking forward to Drizzle. Basta.



Kjwan - Drizzle
The Happy Meals - Turn Up The Groove

(We're strange allies with warring hearts, what a wild-eyed beast you be.)

She knew all about the economy of landscaping and terraforms. She dipped her divine fingers into the thick, brown soil and effortlessly drew a pool, a swamp, and that that puddle would later be a sight I'd loathe for life was the greatest irony in her story.

Diana drew that swamp for me. It was a flawless home, and perfection aside, perfection still: she made it her puddle-home, as well.

(I'm always going to worry about the things that could make us cold.)

"Christmas! I want you to shower me with all your blessings!" She recalled Lia's taunts, probably envying the latter's aggressiveness and tactless pride. A crowd of onlookers observed us beat the war drums and pause with a staccato of sorts, resuming a few beats later with ambient blows of soothing melody.

Biting my quiet obsession's lips and using my tongue to part her clenched teeth, I tasted the imperfect unison of the tides. Blindly, she whispered me those words I would forever curse, for thereupon lay my damnation, my anchor, marking that puddle she burrowed as the one sight I'd loathe for life: the greatest irony in our story.

Words. She went on, "I would like to die with a timid dove on my bosom."



Dishwalla - Angels Or Devils
Dave Matthews Band - The Space Between

Teary-eyed and miserably trying to cope with the unforgiving bliss of times and forgetfulness of the city, he trudged on, witnessing the tragic details of a once well-lit street. No one recognized him in his guise; the once classy distinction he exuded was replaced with a rugged, decrepit aura, albeit he never lost his boldness nor pride.

(Neon signs through smoky eyes tonight.)

He used to count out loud the minutes he stood there, waiting for empty tricycles to pass by. And from a distance, he would protectively look over her. And he often wondered what exactly the trinkets she was holding were for.

Drowned
by Her cold winter vows
and awoke to find
none of Night plastered in place,

he took his hand
to where his sight,
his Dawn,
where he lost his all:

an unwelcome fabrication
as the untruth
made known its intentions -

what virtue is it that damns him?

(One drink to remember and another to forget.)

And on he walked, pacing past the old coffeeshop. Majestically, it stood and bellowed and haunted him with the memories of her stare and fragrance. "I felt I belonged here, at least for three months. I worked at that counter, see? Those days started out fun, but as the hours went on, I found myself trying to find other things to do. I guess you could say the working hours were too long for my short days."

(Take these chances, place them in a box until a quieter time. Lights down, you up and die.)

Where Diana abandoned the grueling trek, the timid dove rested. We were having the greatest fight of our lives, and I just broke it when I stopped making sense, when she failed to recognize me in this guise: this rugged, decrepit aura.



Dave Matthews Band - Grace Is Gone
Dave Matthews Band - Ants Marching

Starting now, I'll be limiting my Mindspill Symphony posts in this blog because I feel these works are often out of place in my personal journal and that they would better fit somewhere else. So, to reconcile my quest to write and to still be able to present people with some of my works, I have decided to revamp StaticRiot (my old blog) and convert it into Undertones, where I'll be dumping my recent and upcoming writings. Feel free to add "him" as a friend. (Bah.)

I would still post a few Mindspill Symphony entries here, as they, in a lot of ways, reflect how I breathe life. And just like past symphonies, you don't have to understand what that means. Heheh.

To kick things off, I posted the first installment of Sundance on Undertones. "Wild berries and gin, jazz and nightlife!"



The Temptations - All I Need
Eraserheads - Shake Yer Head