Volunteered for Namfrel this afternoon. I was not able to register for the elections, so the least I could do for this country's next six years is to help ensure clean elections. So there. (I had six cups of coffee in a span of two hours. I don't think I'll be getting sleep anytime soon.)

Afterwards, we went straight to G4 to buy tickets for School of Rock, which was a fitting movie for a new game on my list: Percussion Freaks. I did not do well on my first day, I must admit, but the thought of eventually being able to pull off those sick stunts will probably keep me coming back for more rounds.

School of Rock was a great movie. (Roll call: Biboy, Vanes, Niño.)

I missed two dinner parties today. Bah; having been able to write Mindspill Symphony VI is enough consolation for me. Come to think of it, I also missed Bamboo's gig at The Fort. So much for my consolation.

The day before yesterday. Went to the Nomads gig and watched Silent Sanctuary. Kjwan and The Happy Meals were not there; I was disappointed but hey, we didn't even register, so it was a free show for us. Went home as early as midnight but slept at five in the morning. I missed the drinking session at Carlo's and regretted having to leave early.



Tenacious D - Tribute

Quickie: Lunampara.

Just came home from Makati. Chowking Glorietta and Starbucks Greenbelt I. (Roll call: Biboy, Anjo, Mike.)

Talked about groupies, girls, chicks, the FHM Top 100, and dudettes. Side notes included our plans for the upcoming Pangasinan three-day three-night vacation kicking off at Anjo's place, more of Mike's bondage fantasies, a human checklist, Biboy's harmonica, and Anjo's accident at the hospital.

It was a long, boring day. But it was better than just bumming around at home playing NBA Live 2004 by myself. At least I got to bum around with friends.

Am I still making sense? Nah, didn't think so. Talk about a mindspill dam. Bah.



Coldplay - Shiver
Silverchair - Miss You Love
Dave Matthews Band - Sleep To Dream Her

Quickie: Larong Pang-Mayo.

You won't see my wounds through a colored black-and-white computer monitor. You won't feel my depression through my words. He is dead, but still I suffer all the wounds he inflicted upon himself.

Yesterday. Glorietta: Tokyo Tokyo, McDonald's, Starbucks, Timezone. (Roll call: Biboy, Joy, Carlo, Pao, Jaja, Niño.) I really needed that. Ja's going to be our band manager. Carlo's playing lead guitars. I'll play the funky purple rhythm guitar, and Biboy will play the harmonica. Joy: back-up harmonica player.

Today. Glorietta: Food Choices, Fruit Magic. Katipunan: Dunkin' Donuts. (Roll call: Vanes, Carlo.) Would have drowned myself in Mango Banana if I had the means. Vanes: second band manager. This was my week, and I'm thankful for every call, note, and message of support. I really appreciate it.

Stay clear of los milagros de la pirámide.

(Got to make the list of what is best; got to make the fist and beat against - have to leave an impression, do you have a suggestion? I'm all out of good ideas, the ones you have always put into your ears. With all you care to share, how did i end up here?)

(Fool to think I could break all the rules; damaged inside but still I act cool. I’m dying over here, I slowly break but still I go. How do I mend the wounds?)



Nonpoint - Your Signs
Urbandub - Runaway

Just came home soaking wet from an overnight field trip. One of my classmates accidentally hit my nose during a botanical expedition, and by fate's freaking will, I had a nosebleed.

Swam in assorted alcoholic drinks last night, and for a lot of reasons too. (Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?)

Temo que mi amor para ella se haya convertido en mi vida.



Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me?
Coldplay - Trouble
VonRay - Inside Out

Namfrel. Hassle. The volunteers at LSGH who were distributing IDs would not release my Namfrel ID right away. They just couldn't believe I was "Jennifer Sta. Maria." Trip. My school ID wasn't any help - it had my real name on it.

Volunteer: Excuse me, sir, pero di po nila makita 'yung ID niyo. (They were looking for my real name on the IDs.)
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. My name on the ID is Jennifer.
V: Huh?
Me: Yun yung sinulat ko sa form ko.
V: So you're Jennifer?
Me: (Patay na 'to.) Hindi, hindi. But my nickname on the registration form was Jennifer.
V: Your nickname is Jennifer?
Me: Well, no... I mean, yes, but it was only on that day 'cause...
V: Wait, wait. You're Jennifer?
Me: *Sigh.* Yeah, I'm Jennifer.
V: Okay, wait up. I'll look for it.

Person waiting in line beside me: Ano raw?
Me: Ah, kasi niloloko ako nung araw ng registration eh. Yun yung tawag sa akin nung araw na yun kaya napagtripang iyon nalang ang isulat na nickname ko.
P: Uhuh.
Me: ...

I'm looking forward to free internet, coffee, and food tomorrow at my first day in Namfrel. Am not looking forward to the Jennifer jokes - I'll be wearing the ID tomorrow. Bah.

Life. Desesperación.



Aerosmith - Dream On

Namfrel. First day. I was an hour and a half late, but it didn't seem to bother my section head. Hah, they'll get used to it. Luckily, I got transferred from the Regional Desks to the Systems Desk (think technical support for the Namfrel field volunteers). It was not funny when I got my second Namfrel ID from the Systems Desk: the name on it was still Jennifer, and that was after I have told the people my real name. They seemed to enjoy playing around with my new nickname.

On the job. People were calling us about problems on texting in the results of their sixth copies of election returns. Namfrel's system this year involves the use of texting to send in data to the headquarters; unfortunately, some less technically-skilled volunteers couldn't get the job done, usually having difficulties following the strict syntax of submitting messages.

Anyway, I had fun today. Forget the free coffee (no unlimited Java Kulas) and internet - I pigged out, eating about thrice my share in the volunteers' canteen. McDonald's sponsored the second batch of food for the volunteers, and that was just what I needed after waking up late and skipping lunch at home. Hahah. You're right, Shin, masiba was the word of the day.

I feel I can survive until Thursday. (Monday, you can hold your head; Tuesday, Wednesday, stay in bed. Or Thursday, watch the walls instead; it's Friday, I'm in love.)



Battery - Words In Red
The Cure - Friday, I'm In Love

Second day at Namfrel. Worked from 5.30pm (two and a half hours late) yesterday to 8am today. Food murder: 2 siopao, 1 Jollibee Chickenjoy, 3 cups of rice, 3 plates palabok, 1 bavarian-flavored doughnut, 2 servings kakanin, 1 Selecta ice cream stick, 1 jumbo hotdog sandwich, 3 cups of coffee, 2 Magnolia Guyabano fruit drinks, corned beef, sunny-side up egg, and 2 cans Vanilla Coke.

Drown down.



Oasis - Wonderwall

Third day at Namfrel: 7pm (May 13) to 10am (May 14). Food murder: Inihaw, veggies, 2 cups rice, 2 servings hotdog-ulam-slices, 3 Regent buko pandan tinapay-na-lasang-karton, 3 Sunkist orange tetra-pak, 2 bottles mineral water, 2 Pepsi X Energy Cola, 3 Mister Donut assorted doughnuts, 5 cups brewed coffee.

Nagdala ako ng gitara. By 12mn, I declared the end of my shift but stayed around until about 10am. Gitara, tambay, kape, kuwento, nood ng basketball, kulitan, doodle, games, gitara, tambay. Hahah si Mai, ang laki ng eyebags.

Bah. Antok! Wake me up, Caz.



The Darkness - Love Is Only A Feeling
James Brown - I Feel Good

Home-bound. Practically spent the whole day in bed. So, there's nothing to blog about today.

Yesterday. Bad start: I was about an hour late; I didn't mean to, though - my stint at Namfrel the day before until that morning was too tiring. As a result, I collapsed in bed. We watched Troy at G4; superb fight scene choreography and not enough emotion. Tapos nag-walkathon kami sa Landmark, Glorietta, Greenbelt, SM Makati, at SM North.

(If I've gone overboard, then I'm begging you to forgive me; oh, in my haste, when I'm holding you so, girl, close to me.)

Skirt. What if I bought one of those skirts they wore in the movie? Iskandalo siguro kapag sinuot ko 'yun sa mall. (Siguro lang?) O kaya, para hindi masyadong bulgar, 'yung suot nalang ni Tom Cruise sa The Last Samurai. At least mahaba.



Dave Matthews Band - Crush

Namfrel. Yesterday was my last day at the Namfrel HQ. I assisted in setting up several new computer terminals and helped encoders out in working on the election return templates. Besides that, I just hung out with Mai, Shin, and Flaire the whole day.

The day started at Robinson's Galleria where we watched Jersey Girl. There was nothing special about the movie. James Berardinelli of ReelViews comments: "Jersey Girl is a lackluster melodrama with only a few inspired moments." I totally agree.

We then went back to LSGH for Namfrel. Saw Ziggie on the way back, distributing flyers for UNICEF.

Food murder: 2 bibingka, 2 fried chicken, 2 cups of rice, 2 bottles of Viva mineral water, 4 Jellyace Snackers (assorted flavors), 1 random ice drop, 1 cup of coffee, 1 tumbler-sized butter-flavored popcorn, 1 large root beer.

At some point, I became bored at the Systems Desk since there was nothing left for me to do, so I hung around the headquarters' entrance with Mai for at least there, there was someone I could chat with, unlike the uninteractive playground back at the Systems Desk.

Fun lasing moments and the usual love life recollections shared with Mai at the smoking grounds. Brewed coffee was not available that night. Namfrel count by the time we left: a little less than thirty percent. Way to go, kay bilis-bilis. Bah.

(And then bummed out and worried of leaving city life, but all the colors mix together to grey. On grey street.)



Dave Matthews Band - Grey Street
Travis - Side

Oo, sa loob-loob ko'y nararamdaman kong wala talaga akong karapatang manghusga dahil nagagawa ko rin ito paminsan, ngunit dahil hindi ko naman ito ganoon kadalas gawin at dahil sa mga okasyon lamang na puno ng pakikipag-asaran at panlalait lumalabas ang mga ganitong salita sa akin, sige, itutuloy ko na ang pagrereklamo at pagdadabog.

Ikaw: oo, ikaw na nagbabasa. Wala akong pakialam kung ikaw ay malapit kong kaibigan, kamag-anak, o minamahal. Kung alam mong ang paggamit mo ng Eng-log (English-Tagalog) ay nakatuntong sa realidad ng kalahating-kabaklaan at pagka-coño, like in this pangungusap, as in you know, kapag nababalutan na ng kaartehan ang mga words mo, like, ganito, at alam mong may mali sa pananalita mo ngunit hindi mo man lang ti-nry i-fix, ito lamang ang masasabi ko sa iyo: Ahente ka ng kababuyan na dumudungis sa ating wika't kultura.

"Grabe, it's so init out here, my kilikili is making jabar na, please make paypay me naman o!"

At sino ang may kasalanan, ang dapat sisihin? Ang mga guro mo ba sa elementarya? Ang barkada mong bang mga coño? Ang mga magulang mo ba? Ang lipunan ba?

Hangga't alam mong hindi tama ang paraan ng pananalita mo, ikaw ang pangunahing may kasalanan. Hindi kita gustong murahin. Gusto ko lang ituwid ang kacoñohan mo. Magpapakapuke't magpapakaputa ka ba, kaibigan?

Nagkalat na naman ang mga basura sa lansangan.

Taglish. Coño English.



Battery - Words In Red

Sa wakas! Nasa akin na ang kapangyarihan ng gitara ng pinsan ko. Isang maitim na de-kuryenteng gitarang nagtataglay ng kakaibang kapangyarihang malilinang mo lamang sa pamamagitan ng pagtono nito sapagkat matagal na itong hindi nagagamit at mukhang kinalawang na pati ang tunog - oo, ito na ang susi sa aking imortalidad. Potah.

Sa ibang balita, natulog ako halos buong araw. Kaya wala talagang balita. Nasa finals na ako ng NBA Live 2004 dynasty ko at walang makapipigil sa aking pagtambak sa oposisyon. Bah.

Malapit na. Dalawang araw nalang. Isla, dagat, sariwang hangin!



Rage Against The Machine - Renegades Of Funk
Joe Satriani - Chords Of Life
Van Halen - Eruption

I won't be home until Sunday night.

Until then, I'll be crawling on sand, tasting the salty air of Pangasinan. All the memories that I'll miss, I'll write the titles on the beach; the tears of the earth shall wash them away, never to be restored the way I wrote them, but I won't regret having written off permanence when I've written their names, for the tears... those tears are forever.

(You are the afterglow, you are the midnight show; the only one I know, you come and then you go. And when you finally leave, you leave nothing for me.)

I do not want to fall in love with Paradise. She is the sweetest thing life ultimately offers: damnation to tranquility. But then again, this serenity is far too cold for life.

(I believe there's something watching over you. They're watching every single thing you say, and when you die they'll set you down and take you through; you'll realize one day that the grass is always greener on the other side.)



Travis - Afterglow
Travis - Side

The salty waters oozed its way into my head; the beach was just that: tranquil and blandly invasive.

Hours before, we met up at Glorietta 4 to gather resources and prepare for the long journey ahead. (Roll call: Biboy, Jaja, Mike, Don.) Headed for Anjo's place and welcomed John home. Several hours, chocolates, card games, and video moments later, we left for Pangasinan.

(Walang ganito sa Guam!)

Boat ride. Lost my shades to Poseidon in an acrobatic stunt. The waters reminded me of taho.

The next half a hundred hours. I felt drained most of the time, but it was great fun playing basketball in the rain, which probably accounts for my present fever. Card games, football (although the Grand Hammer and Don kept on sweeping us all out of the way like bowling pins), swimming, island-side scaling (where I got the nasty cuts on my hands and feet), sound-tripping, laugh-tripping, food-tripping. We were not able to offer Mike to the sea spirits, which is probably why we were hounded by heavy rains throughout the first two days.

Band. Am contemplating on whether to just take on the Maynard influence or primarily follow my own Brit rock inclinations. It sounds off, but I'm hoping I can reconcile the differences.

I can't express everything on a single journal entry. And I wouldn't, even, if just to let those who did not go know how much they've missed. I can tell them this much, though: I felt like Pehipol.

And the day after our last day in Paradise, I had to remind myself that it was rain I was hearing outside my bedroom and not the friendly waves by the island that for three days we called home. (Roll call: Biboy, Myke, Anjo, Jaja, John, Carlo, Don, Vanes, Niño, Jesse, Mike, Jojo.)

(Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks.)



Reel Big Fish - Rock N Roll Is Bitchin'
Silverchair - The Greatest View
Coldplay - Clocks

(Cross-post: staticriot.)



(I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown; catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun. Help me survive the bottom.)

We never knew these waters could feel so dry. Swimming around the island, I held her hand tightly, but let her go upon nearing the cove. I thought it was time, and she knew otherwise. Underwater, I could see her tears bubble up like freed oil - her eyes were as blank as ever, and where her poignant smile used to be, there was a horrifying howl of fear and wretchedness. It was sickening to think that all she was then was a corpse waiting for her grave.

We had to trudge on. Through the waters and along the beach, I dragged her body and felt her fury grawing on my fingers, and by the time we arrived at the altar, her pale hands had turned blue and her eyes were white as the sun.

Meanwhile, the Latecomer dogged us like a wildcat pursuing its prey and enveloped us with the stillness of an asylum. I had to retaliate - I would not accept failure at this point, especially not at her expense. In a fit of desperation, I embraced her numbness and parried the illusion of the Latecomer. The cliff was higher than I thought it was, and I was not able to survive the fall, not with all the sharp fangs that were Nature's rocks below.

(Tail in hand, dizzy and clearly, unable to just let this go.)

My consolation was her safety. She held my hand and pulled me into the waters by the cliff's side. I didn't realize these waters could feel so dry; perhaps it was my own coldness that etched that impression into my senses? Nonetheless, she held my hand tightly while swimming, circling the island, only letting go upon nearing the cove. She thought it was time, but I knew otherwise - the Latecomer will hunt us down, the cycle will survive, and the pain will remain. Underwater, I could see my own tears bubble up like freed oil - my vision was blank as ever, and where my playful smirk used to be, a foul cry of agony was weaved on. All I was then was a corpse, a failure, an inanimate testament to my futile struggles to succeed beyond my reality.

(Calm these hands before they snare another pill and drive another nail down another needy hole. Please release me.)



A Perfect Circle - Gravity

(I know I'll miss her later; wish I could bend my love to hate her. Wish I could be her creator - to twist her arms now. She stares up at the stars when the stars fell from her hair, then I bent down to collect them and then she was gone.)

(Oh, I sleep just to dream her; I beg the night just to see her. That my only love should be her, just to lie in her arms.)

(I came there to find out, find out she'd made up her mind. My arms are all tied up, to me she was blind. This space between us where wingless dreams fall earless; will you not bear me witness, with your back to me now?)

(It seemed so unnerving, still somehow deserving that she could hold my heart so tightly and still not see me here.)

(Oh, I sleep just to dream her; I beg the night just to see her. That my only love should be her, just to lie in her arms. I know I'll miss her later; wish I could bend my love to hate her. Wish I could be her creator - to be the light in her eyes.)



Dave Matthews Band - Sleep To Dream Her
Chicken Sisig - Goodbye, Mai

Just came home from Anjo's. First band practice today: our drummer didn't show up, so Anjo took his place. Covered two songs, messed one up. Dinner at McDonald's Taft (DLSU), watched American Wedding.

Perverts and nymphos go together. Long live the Stifmeister (a.k.a. The Grandmother Fucker)! Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten) and Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering) are recommended Cheesecakes of the Day any day.

I have to agree with Mr. Zwick that the jokes and setups in the movie are more crude and graphic than imaginative.



311 - Love Song
A Perfect Circle - The Noose