"My feel for you is decaying in front of me / Like the carrion of a murdered prey"

- carrion, fiona apple

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Ano nga ba ang nagtutulak sa tao para pumatay? Poot? Salapi? Prinsipyo? Politika?

Doon din sa Maguindanao naging "landslide" ang pagkakapanalo ni Gloria Arroyo. Sa ilang presinto roon, wala ni isa mang boto si Fernando Poe Jr. Isipin mo: kahit isa, wala siyang nakuhang boto. Ang kapal ng mukha talaga nitong si Arroyo. Malaki ang utang na loob niya kay Ampatuan. Hello Garci?!

Ngayon naalala ko ang Jabidah massacre kung saan pinatay ng mga elemento ng Armed Forces of the Philippines ang 60 kataong Moro na kanilang nirekluta. Naalala ko ang Balangiga massacre kung saan pinatay ng mga tropang Amerikano ang halos tatlong libong sibilyan sa Balangiga, Samar dahil sa paghihiganti.

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Dr. Ortill

Ganyan talaga kapag naka-anesthesia, nakakaramdam pero, hindi masakit.

And I was there, assisting in her lumpectomy, looking at bloody flesh, and inhaling the smoke from her cautery while my elbows were complaining from retracting, wishing that someone could inject me with just a vial of Lidocaine. Not from the physical pain but from the pointy feeling inside.

How avoidant.
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It's been 23 days in my rotation, and FINALLY I had been able to assist at a major o.r....an Appendectomy. I can still remember how it is done. I insisted on scrubbing in on this one, just to see their technique. Pretty cool. I wish I could do one.

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Can this be?




Our radiologists can't explain it. And my groupmate says, the child was not held by anyone while the x-ray was taken. Even so, it would not form a hand.. but will show the bones. (scary music here.)

Nothing makes a day faster than looking forward to something. And today, what put me through the first half of my day was the fact that me and my friends went out tonight.

This get together was for Joie. To cheer her up from her recent breakup after a 5 year relationship. We (Andrea, Andrew, King, Neli, Joie and I) met up at Rob and had dinner at Don Henrico's, remembering our clerkship experiences. That was the time when we were still students, and from there started comparing our internships at different hospitals. We had a hearty meal, and I felt at home, reconnecting with those I shared a wonderful 4 years of medicine proper with.

After that, we walked to a Karaoke Bar where we sang a mix of vengeful and sentimental songs for Joie. Some, for me. For them, too. I was tipsy and having so much fun, fun, fun, when..

He texted. He says he wants to die. He says I hurt him too much.

It's not the first time he's said that. He does it when I don't text or answer his calls or when I tell him that I don't feel the same. But now, I don't even know what I've done. I was always upfront and honest. And I did try to like him. I tried so hard, that I even DID like him. And he even thought I loved him back already. But it's not enough..

Because I knew the difference when I fell for somebody (who betrayed me instead). Argh. I am being played and twisted by fate.

It's good that work takes so much out of my mind. The brain can only do one thing at a time, and it helps to keep focus on what's in front.  In a few hours time, I'll be on track a 32 hour tour of duty, mending other people's bodies when I am so...broken inside.

Still no meteors flashing my way. Only navy blue clouds on an ebony sky. Oh well.

We had a short day at the hospital, there was a mandatory stay-at-the-library memo for all the interns. And so, we sort of had a free duty. I'm happy because we didn't work as hard today, and sad because I didn't have any patients to learn from.

And because I was tired of reading the medical stuff, I took a break and scanned the newspaper. A sociopolitical events expert, I am not. But somehow, I just want to speak out what I was thinking.

Pacquiao fever. Pacquaio in politics.
(Nah. He lost the elections last time, despite his boxing feats. We have become aware that the on-screen champions are a different story when it comes to politics.)

Pacquiao vs. Mayweather

(Lose-lose scenario for Pacquiao. If he says no, Mayweather will have bragging rights. If Pacquiao fights, he'd better win big time, or it'll be the end of his boxing glory)

Manny Villar and Loren Legarda, runningmates...
(Which just ruins their credibility. Manny using Loren's good reputation, and Loren using Manny for his well-oiled campaign machinery. Good luck to both.)

Hacienda Luisita.
(Has gone on long enough. It breaks my spirit to see the plight of the poor, the greed of the rich, and our sick legal system.)

Pacquiao and Jinky fighting due to Krista Ranillo...
(Typical. A full blown disaster.Let them fix it up, and stop the slandering. They are people after all, and no family is ever the cleaner.)

Edu Manzano, running for vice president.
(Game ka na ba? Kami, hindi.)

3 killed and 7 injured at Pasay demolition...
(Why use guns? WHY?! Of course they would protect the mosque, it is their place of worship. A little respect for their religion! There could have been a better way to do it. No wonder some Muslims would think badly about the government. Why fuel their agitation? Why? WHY?!)

New Moon, now showing.
(And dateless. moving on...)

Efren Penaflorida, the CNN hero...
(He's such an inspiration. With him and his group around, there is hope for this nation. WE CAN DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS IF WE WANTED TO. I wish that aside from voting for him, we would also be encouraged to help the less fortunate. But first of all, let's vote. He deserves to win.)

Now on to the news of my life. I'm learning that some people have interesting stories to tell about their lives. And I am amazed to find out. But amidst all the sharing, I'm still keeping much a secret, sorting is still to be done with my baggages.

tweeting -- https://twitter.com/makoydakuykoy

I've been watching for the Leonids for four days now. Just to make a wish or two. For whatever, it's my secret. :) Really, I'm a little...nope, a LOT superstitious.

We watched 2012 yesterday. Coolness. Not one I'd line up to be my favorites, but it's worth seeing if you need a pick-me-up. That is, if you like getting caught between tectonic plates and raging tsunamis. The scenes are amazing. :) And I liked the company: Perrine and Dave.

A snippet of my day at the Surgery Emergency Room. We had an American patient who went to the beach yesterday and fried his skin under the sun. That's for not wearing sunblock. He was delineatedly red on half the exposed parts of his body, just like a shrimp when it's done.I pitied him because it was so painful, weeping and blistering all over. Including his balding forehead. You'd know what he was in for, just by the sight of him. And so, we cleaned, flammazine-d, and gauze-d him up.

Ironic that a majority of Filipinos, men or women (hands up people! including me!) would somehow be guilty of buying whitening/lightening products for the sake of vanity. When all this time, our melanin concentration, has been responsible from keeping us from suffering the same fate, under the intense Equatorial sun. How colonial. We should love our melanin, we can bask at beaches, walk along the Metro and only fear of getting even browner...just think about it. And love your chocolate-ness. Haha.

Please, let there be a falling star, so I can get my wish. And... make that meteor hit the asshole who broke my heart. Yeh! :) (<--in a kikomachine kind of way.)